The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
