There is too much vodka and too much dick.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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