I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
