idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
