Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you will always have a special place in my vag
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
