Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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