my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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