Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
