i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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