i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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