Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
