it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
