I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
