So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
