Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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