Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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