she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
