Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
