don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
