I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
They should really pass out barf bags in church
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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