I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Apparently you make a good broom.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Let's get the cat blown out
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
