I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
