I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
