but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
