i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
