i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
