ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
