Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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