u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
a search helicopter?!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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