Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
