She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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