And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
