you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
