the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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