I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
