he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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