I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
