mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
