It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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