Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
