I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
