Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
