The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
