Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
