He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
