my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
