At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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