His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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