I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
