do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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