is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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